Cheryl Ann Hardy - 1944-2016

My mother, Cheryl Ann Hardy, passed away Sunday, October 23, 2016.  Ryan and I received the phone call around 1:30 Sunday afternoon...  Mom had told the nurses at the Care Center that she had to go to the bathroom (which she hasn't done in months)...  they got her to the restroom, and she sat down, and took one last breath - and went unresponsive.  Dad, Trish and Jill were phoned (as they are minutes away)...  and were there to say goodbye to her Sunday.  Ryan and I rushed home as soon as we could Sunday afternoon to be with everyone...  

I don't really know what to write here.  I have so many emotions still.  I will never see Mom again.  Our kids will never experience Grandma Cheryl again - whether she was healthy or stuck in a body where Alzheimer's had taken control.   My heart is broken.  I ache.  I'm so mad that disease took over and took her so quickly.   Then the other side of me knows that she's better... she's no longer 'not herself'.  She's happy, she remembers things/us, and is medication free.

We had went to Clarion Friday evening (the 21st) to spend some time there, and visit Mom.  We spent about 20-25 minutes with Mom Friday night at the Care Center.  She was 'out of it', but she sat and looked at the kids and would answer a few questions.  She said the kids' names - "Oh Cora May... sweetie."  and "Kayson"... she half smiled.  She answered Dad's questions a little...  and we talked about Kayson's school teacher having a baby, and how Cora and I went to Arizona.  When we decided it was best to leave...  we touched her hand and her back... told her we loved her, and she began to cry.  We walked away.  

Dad said he had visited her Sunday morning... and had a nice visit.   So we are just in shock that this has happened...  but I have a feeling God is telling us that she needed to see us Friday, and she was done, just done.  She was done being like that - she was over it - she didn't want that anymore.  That's how I have to get through this...  she's better.  But I miss her.  I miss her laugh, and when we'd call she'd always say - "Why don't you get in the car and just come here!?!?"  She'd say that years ago, and even about a year ago when she would still talk on the phone a little.  She just wanted us there.  She wanted all of us there, all the time.  We (us girls and the grandkids) were her life.  She loved us so much. 

So now here we are... Friday.  Nearly a week later.  We are all emotionally exhausted.  Each of us girls are doing ok.  Tricia is struggling a lot - Mom and her were VERY close.  She has a lot running through her.  Jill is doing ok - doesn't like to cry very much, she's our strong sister.   And I'm ok (hurting at random times) - I find myself very, very sad in the mornings.  It's like I wake up and it's another day without her, another day for my Dad without her.  I just kind of feel sick to my stomach.  I just stare off into space a lot... thinking about her... thinking about my kids...  everything.  

Ryan has been amazing through this.  When we got the call Sunday, he ached and cried with me, but he knew he had some things to do.  He phoned my closest friends, took care of getting his parents here to take care of the kids...  he just has been great.   My Mom loved Ryan - her and him had a funny relationship, he was always giving her a hard time about something... and she let him, and loved it too.  I'm so thankful for him.

And our kiddos - both kids have been a little standoff-ish with this for a couple days.  Which I don't blame them.  I know Kayson understands, but he gets a little nervous and doesn't know how to handle things like this... and that's ok.  It did hit him pretty hard on Thursday when we were at the graveside.  He did cry pretty hard and just wanted to hold my hand.  Cora really just enjoyed being with the cousins...  but when we got home last Thursday night, she fell apart.  It was probably a mixture of being super tired, but she cried and cried - saying she missed Grandma and wanted her to wake up.  That hurt.  

Mom was an amazing mother.  She did everything for us girls.  You name it, she did it.  That was one thing we told our Pastor - "she just did it all."  And she didn't care.  She wanted to.  And she passed that onto others as well.  We had SOOOO many people come through the visitation to pay their respects, and so many at the funeral as well.  It really shows how many people she loved, and loved her.  She was a special woman in the Clarion community.  Mom will never be forgotten.