"Love Dad"

I've been doing well.  Really well lately - well, like the past 5 days.  

Last night we got a Christmas card from Dad - and all it said was "Love Dad".  Tears just fell.  It didn't say "Love Mom & Dad" like it used to.  The little teeny things like that really get me.  I'm thrilled that Dad is still doing those types of things...  but man, it really pulled at my heart strings.  

It's weird - because Mom and I weren't that close...  and especially over the past 3 years or so, it was harder.  I didn't handle the Alzheimer's well, I didn't like calling because it hurt to hear her that way, everything was all messed up.  (which now I feel SOOOO guilty about, that I wasn't a 'good daughter' to her.)  BUT - now I can't call.  I can't see her.  I can't hear her say the weird, crazy things she did.  I can't.  No more.  It's just not an option anymore.  

It breaks my heart.  

With the holidays here...  it does hurt more.  But I am super thankful I have my feisty kids that go on with life as they have no care in the world.  So innocent.  They keep me grounded, and not bawling at the drop of a hat (until they are in bed!)  

I've been doing well.  But apparently I'm going to continue to have random crappy days.  I'm ok with that...  I have to be.