8 Months

8 months has passed since Mom's death.  8 months.  I mean - seriously... that's almost a year.  Why does time have to go so damn fast?  
There are so many reasons that I hate this - that she's been gone, that time goes fast and life gets away from us... so quickly.  My kids are almost 9 and 5.  Seriously.  

I feel sad.  I feel mad.  I feel exhausted.  

My tears have lessened.  They have.  I don't cry as much as I used to.  
My heartache however, has increased.  I just ache.  I ache for Dad.  I ache for my sisters and me.  I ache for the kids.  I ache knowing that life can be over in any second.  I hate it.  

People have said to me - "Live life to the fullest".  And I agree.  I wish I could right now.  But I get into a big hole and have a hard time digging myself out of it.  I just get sad.  I just want to be with Ryan and the kids, and that's it.  I want to be at home.  I'm safe there.  

8 months.  I just can't believe it.  It's so hard to grasp.  

I miss you Mom.