Mom & Alzheimer's

Well, my Mom's terrible disease has not gone away.  And it won't.  Ever.  
I have so many emotions... so, SO many thoughts... so many feelings.  It would be nearly impossible to write them all done - or even try to express all of them.  

Right now, my feelings are sadness and worry. 

Tricia and I talked earlier tonight...  we talk often, typically over text or snap chat, but when she calls; I know it's not necessarily 'good'.   In a nutshell, it's been a bad day for Mom.  But every day is a bad day for her.  She doesn't know anything, she doesn't know anyone (besides Dad), she's confused, she doesn't know what to do.  Every damn day is bad.  

Trish and I talked about stuff...  Trish did a lot of talking - a lot of telling me what's she's experiencing, what Mom does, what Mom says.  I listened, and ached inside.  It hurts so f'ng bad.  (I can say that - it's my blog!)

I worry about Dad.  We have to keep him healthy... and somewhat happy...  and sane.  He is doing an amazing job with Mom.  He's strong...  and stubborn.  We all think the same thing -- 'we need to do something, we need to get more help with Mom, she probably needs to be in a facility' -- but with that, that's a hell of a lot easier to say on our end, then on the man that's been married to her for 50+ years.  I can't imagine the feelings he's having.  So many ups and downs... same as us, but different.  

I literally could go on and on.  I could explain all the stories Trish tells me... someday I might (so I remember!)  But for now, I'm just sad.  I'm scared.  I'm worried - for many reasons.  For me, for my sisters, for my Dad, for Mom, for Ryan, for our kids... for the other grandkids.  So many people affected.