Alzheimer's Disease

My mother has Alzheimer's, or Dementia.  She was diagnosed nearly 3 years ago now... and 3 years ago, it was simple - life was simple.  She forgot random things, but we knew something was happening.  Life went on...  we were concerned, but didn't see that much changing, which we were thankful for.  She still took care of herself quite well... still did her 'jobs' at the church, etc.  Things did change within a year...

The family (mostly my sisters and Ryan and I) would try hard to just make light of the situation, laugh of some of the things she'd say/do...  we did that for awhile.  (knowing deep down it was bad, but we just had to do something)...  I don't see us doing that today.  It's just changed.  

Now - over the past 8 months, I would say this disease is significantly worse for her...  and us. I really, really don't like talking about this, but something triggered me tonight to just write here.  I guess part of me wants to write to make me feel better... and again, like re-reading all this stuff to my kids when they get bigger, I hope to be able to re-read this to them as well.  They don't understand now...  and soon enough, they will - or at least Kayson will.  I want to make sure I do a good job of being their Mom and helping them through their questions and letting them know how I feel/felt. 

Mom has shown some significant decrease in being able to have a conversation...  a short 3 minute talk over the phone includes her asking about the kiddos at least 5 times and being confused about what time it is.  This is so hard to explain.  

She's also shown a behavior difference.  She's gotten mean.  Period.  I, personally, have not experienced this yet (thank God), however, my sisters and Dad have.  I hate this.  I hate the fact that she gets mean and says hurtful words to them.  That's not fair.  At all.  My sisters remember our Mom's Mom doing the same thing.  (Yes, our Grandma had this terrible disease as well).  Lovely right?  So that goes into how much my mind races - will I have this awful disease as well?  Will my sisters?  Will my CHILDREN?  I think about Ryan growing old with me.  I think about how medication is now - will it get better? 

We don't see my parents often... we just don't.  We are so darn busy with our own lives, and sometimes when we have a free day, we just want to be in our own home.  It's a tough situation to be in.  So with us not seeing them that much, I know that she struggles 'knowing' us.  She knows us, but I do think it makes things harder...  "out of sight, out of mind" type of thing.  

There's so much to say... so much more to give examples of the things we see and experience.  I just pray every night that there's a miracle that will happen with this disease and my Mom.  I don't know what that miracle should be, but something better than how things are now, would be great. 


Some random facts I found:

• Over 5 million Americans suffer from the disease.  5 MILLION.
• 6th leading cause of death in the U.S.
• 1 out of 3 seniors die from this disease.

Seeing those numbers makes me sick... and more sad.