Tuesday Thoughts (The last 4 days)

We've had a whirl-wind of a weekend... and couple week days.  Ryan's grandpa passing was tough on us... all of us.  He obviously was a great man, and loved by us and many others...  

Saturday evening we visited Grandma Janis and her sons' (Mike, Bill, Scott & Todd) families...  it was a short trip, but we felt it was needed.  Sunday we stuck around home.  Ryan was tired already, just thinking and worrying about Grandma and lots of other random things.  My mind was very heavy wondering how Kayson was going to handle all of this and worrying about Ryan.  This is the first close death of our families, so we learned a lot from each other.  So Sunday was a day at home with just us.  

Monday we took the kids to school...  going to work...  I had every intention to work til noon, but I unexpectadely started getting sick.  To be brutally honest, I was in the bathroom 5 times within the first 30 minutes of being at work.  Not fun.  And not the place I wanted to be doing 'that'.  I tried really hard to stick around, but by 9:15, I had had enough... and I came home.  My stomach was turning, I was sweating, I was just feeling icky.  I slept for about an hour... and started to feel a little better.  Ryan got home around noon... and we just layed low for a bit, then started packing up.  By 2ish, I was feeling better... (no more bathroom stops!), but was wiped out already. 

We got the kids from school... and headed to Diagonal.  We spent the afternoon and evening at the funearl home for the visitation of Papa Dick.  It was so hard to see Grandpa, but also peaceful too.  It's amazing how much emotions and thoughts roll through you during this time.  Kayson did pretty well - asking several (LOTS) of questions, but all questions that made sense and needed answers for an almost 5 year old.  I feel we did 'ok' with our answers, but I'm sure it's still not completely clear.  We tried and we can only hope that he knows how much Papa loved him and that he'll really always be with us.  

The sweetest part of the night was each time we would walk by Papa's casket to stop to glance or talk or reminiscence, typically one of us was holding Cora - and she would blow kisses to Papa each time.  That was the best part of the whole evening... and we know Papa was catching those kisses with his hands.  

Today was the day for our final goodbyes... and I tear up as I write this.  These last four days have been so emotional... and when it's finally time to say goodbye, it's terrible.  It's the last time we will see Grandpa, and it truly broke all of our hearts today.  With the rain pouring down, it fit well with all the tears.  Those raindrops are for sure Grandpas tears falling down...  I already know he misses us, but he's at peace and he can breathe and feels well - and that's all that matters.